I am trying to find a new place to live. And how frustrating it is!!! I've looked at several forclosed very cheap homes, and it just sounds like too much work. I've settled on renting a townhome or condominium, but the search is so frustrating. I don't have too much luck on the internet, because many of the sites you need to register for. I think I might start just driving around and looking.... that's how I obtained my current apartment. Not only that, but on the internet I'm always unsure of location and prices; and the pictures don't always give an accurate idea of what it will actually look like. I would love any suggestions! =)
Why do I want to break my current lease?? Well, we've been fighting with the caretaker since we moved in. I'm not sure why he has a problem with us, but he does. In fact, there was a tow truck in the lot the other day trying to tow my car cuz i guess it makes him feel like he's got a big dick. We ended up in this huge swear fight and I had to keep Efra from punching him in the face. The caretaker was shaking so much I had to try not to laugh. Honestly, if he's that scared, why is he creating problems with us?? Anyway, the landlord used to be on our side, but lately he had been not so pleasant. So, to say the least, I am very sick of it and no longer wish to live there. On a positive reason to leave- as soon as Aleeya is mobile, it just won't be livable. There is not enough space. I love to cook, and I love to clean, but I just do not have the room to do either of those things. My lease is up in January, and I cannot last.
On another negative note-- I have been exceedingly frustrated with my dad. He just makes me so sad. It's hard for me to even come over, which sucks because my parents want to see their granddaughter. I just don't understand why he has to continue to put these things into his body! He is slowly killing himself and he doesn't seem to care. It pains me soo much to watch. I miss the awesome man he used to be, and I want Aleeya to know him like that. I don't want her to know him as he currently is. His behavior is inappropriate, and he has something to say about everything. Unfortunately, however, his opinion is never a sober one. I can honestly say that I hate to talk to him, and I hate that I hate that. What pains me the most, is how he constantly talks about how excited he is for when Aleeya is toddling around and talking, but I can't help but wonder if he will actually be around to see it. My dad is paranoid about everything, and has such high anxiety, yet at the same time will be so hypocritical. He is so impossible to talk to, negotiate with, share opinions with, everything! It has become his way or the highway! I can no longer stand the way I see my mother live with him... She doesn't deserve it! But neither does he! He doesn't deserve the way I treat him, and he doesn't deserve to be the way that he has become!! How did this happen? Why do I have to watch all these substance seep into his body until his inevitable death?? It makes me Hate him so much. And I hate that I feel this way. Sometimes I wish he wasn't around, like maybe it would be better if these substances finally got the best of him. What kind of a horrible person am I to think like that? But what kind of a horrible person is he, to do these things to the body that God gave him? There is so much potential, and so little thought. It is a lost caused. I believe that we lost him a long time ago. And how I miss him.
My Bebe just went back to work full time. It's the first I've been without him since Aleeya was born. I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed with being alone, with taking care of my precious baby, and trying to find something better for us. He cannot help when it comes to most of the search, call, and application process. He does not have the time and there are personal reasons as well.
Who knew life could be so Complicated at just 19.
